Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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