i barfeds in our rink
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
