yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
