I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
