Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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