I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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