Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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