I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
