Porn is love you can see.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The air was thick with penises
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
