she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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