If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
