I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
