thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
