Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
