who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
