I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
