i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
