he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
