I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
