Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he puts the penis in happiness.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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