I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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