Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
