I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
