i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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