Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
