You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
