no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
