just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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