fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
