I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
