You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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