Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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