I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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