You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
