its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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