I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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