He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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