Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
