why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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