Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
