I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
