You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
