Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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