Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
