I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
