I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
