That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
