oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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