FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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