I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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