the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
