well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
