If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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